The potato
by Blaze12345
Summary: How Hairy Pothead got through a few years at Hogwats
1. Introductions

The potato.

This is a story about a potato.

But not just any potato, THE POTATO.

The potato that would soon enough, be of grate importance to the plotline, and by grate I mean cheese grater.

Now, on with the story.

Also I do not own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling does.

One fine morning, the Dursleys were having tea.

This tea was in fact, not tea but blood.

Then a small child by the name of Hairy Pothead appeared on their doorstep.

This small child, or chili as the Huggles called them, would soon also be of great importance to the plotline.

Ten years later this small chili was enrolled in Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, when this was going to happen, Mister Dursley screamed "WITCHCRAFT! SACRIFICE THEM TO THE GREAT LORD OF ALL THINGS GRAVY!"

But it was impossible to sacrifice a Huggle-born chili to the great lord of all things gravy. Why? Because Hairy Pothead was the great lord of all things gravy.

So, after he had arrived to the school, met his friends, Hermoine Ginger and Ron Weasel, and after the sorting, Hairy, Hermoine, and Ron were all put in Griffinclaw, instead of Huffhuffpuff, Slytherdor, or Ravenpuff. Hairy Pothead started his first class, potions, with professor Drape.

Cliffhanger! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The next chapter will be uploaded soon.

In a few minutes.

Byeeeeee.


	2. Potions class

Before the potions class however, Hairy and friends had to go to the Great hall to have a meeting with the headmaster Albus Gumblesnore.

Gumblesnore had a speech to say.

"WELCOME TO HOGWARTS! Here you will learn about some magic stuff!"

Everyone immediately left.

Meanwhile at the potions class.

Hairy arrived 0.18 milliseconds late.

"HAIRY POTHEAD!" Professor Grape roared. (He legally changed it from Drape to Grape.)

"YOU ARE LATE! TEN POINTS FROM GRIFFINDOR!"

"But professor, I had to eat an apple."

"TWENTY POINTS FROM GRIFFINDOR FOR A STUPID EXPLANATION!"

"As punishment you must make a Polyjuice potion with a newspaper and Filch's cat."

End of chapter.

I will now leave you with this while laughing evilly.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


	3. The duel, part 1

One Polyjuice potion later...

"There, I finished making the potion."

"GET TO YOUR NEXT CLASS! YOU ARE LATE FOR DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS!""

Once Hairy got to the class..."Oh no, we got Umbridge."

"SIT DOWN OR ELSE FREE MUFFINS!

After her forced resignation, and after quite a few Umbridge related centaur attacks, it became apparent that she had gone completely insane.

"Now, I am going to be teaching you how to properly use the Crutiatus Curse."

"But that's illegal" Hermoine complained

"I don't care, now just for that, I will give a demonstration."

"Hairy Pothead?"

Hairy ran out faster than Grape could take away points from Griffindor.

"Oh, he's not here."

"How about, Draco Malfoy!"

"This is how to use the Crutiatus curse."

"Cru-"

"EXPELLIARMUS!"

"Defying a teachers orders?" "TIME TO DIE."

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"PROTEGO!"

The Protego shield promptly broke.

Then Malfoy ran away.

I leave you with this, fellow readers.

Byeeee.


	4. The duel, part 2

However, as Malfoy was running away, two jets of smoke descended from the skies.

"HOLY SH** DEATH EATERS!"

Suddenly, behind Malfoy there was Hairy, Hermoine, and Ron.

Then two more Death Eaters descended from the skies.

"Good, you found them"

Umbridge started clapping wildly.

Because on her right arm, was the Dark Mark.

"Wait, how could Death Eaters get into this school anyways?"

"Do not question the logic of this story!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

"PROTEGO!"

"SECTUMSEMPERA!"

"STUPEFY!"

"Expelliarmus!"

"Rictusempra!"

"Levicorperus!"

Many spells later...

Four Death Eaters were either unconscious or dead.

Umbridge ran off screaming like a little girl.

"Oh no!"

"What?"

"Goldysnort."


	5. Pies

"What?"

"GOLDYSNORT HAS RETURNED!"

"THAT MEANS THAT GRAPE HAS TO TAKE AWAY 50 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!"

"What? No I don't?"

"YES YOU DO! RIGHT F**KING NOW!"

"Ok, 50 points from Slytherin"

"Excuse me?"

The people who were in that very room instantly faced the doorway.

"How do I get to the Great Hall?"

"Oh, um just follow me." Ron said

The others just stood there, staring.

"I NEED CRANBERRIES!"

"What?"

"I said, I need cranberries."

"NO!"

"Fine."

Then Cedric Biggory ran in a straight line directly towards a window, as he could only walk in a straight line towards a window, thanks to a new Hogwarts policy.

"GET OUT OF THE HALLS!"

"Why?"

"I LIKE PIE!"

"Ohhh-Kay."

I leave you with this as I am out of ideas

But I'll still be updating this.

See ya!


End file.
